Ok, stop messing up MY joke...

I made the mistake of putting my joke about 4 nuns online at some point in the past, and it has been retold (poorly, oh so very poorly) a few trillion times, and is pathetic.

Here is the original, funny, joke:

Four nuns are returning home from a charity event when their Volkswagen is crushed by a semi truck. They find themselves in Heaven, standing in the express lane off to the side (12 sins or less). This line is run by St. Timothy as Pete continues to hog the action at the main gate.

St. Timothy smiles at the sisters (imagine his voice in the rich Irish brogue I deliver this in verbally) and addresses them as a group:

"Ah, suren begorrah, tis a sad day indeed to greet four sisters of the cloth, all so young. I shall ask but one question of ye lasses." He addresses the first nun: "Sister, have you ever touched a man's penis?"

The nun blushes shyly and nods.

Timothy gently asks, "With what did ye touch it?"

The nun holds up her right hand, pauses, then raises her left.

Timothy shrugs slightly, and says, "Wash your hands in the font of holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven. He turns to the second nun.

"Sister, same question. Have ye ever?"

She sighs and nods affirmatively.

"With what?" he asks in reply.

She motions to her rather full bosom.

Timothy lifts an eyebrow, gives a small shrug and rolls his eyes. "Bath your chest in the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven."

Now, while Timothy has been addressing the second sister, the third and fourth nuns have been holding a whispered argument. The third nun apparently loses, and they switch places.

Timothy, naturally curious about such an action, addresses his next question to the formerly fourth, and now third sister in line: "Why have ye taken your sister's rightful place in line?"

"There's no WAY I'm gargling that shit after she-" she jerks a thumb at the now fourth nun- "sits in it!"


In the future, I would appreciate that anyone telling this joke please not fuck it up. Also, yes, you HAVE to do Timothy's accent.